Inevitable Cliche

A proper post is in order but, um, not right now? To make it short, I moved to Brooklyn...Bushwick to be exact. I've been here just over two weeks, the first of which doesn't count so much because I was on the Chantix and, believe what they say, I was ridiculously paranoid/psychotic. 24/7 anxiety attacks not helped along by a house in withdrawals. Such is life. I have learned a few things. Here goes:

1) Balantine is basically Mickey's but less fun.
2) Rolling cigarettes is cheaper than buying them but finding a bodega that sells illegals is where its at.
3) Do not let Crackhead Pete in the house.
4) There are rogue Cherokees squatting in my neighborhood and they carry machetes.
5) Heels are for people that can afford cars.
6) Union Square cannot be avoided.
7) The hottest accessory in Williamsburg is an assistance (food stamp) card.
8) Everyone knows the "most amazing bar" and they are all pretty much the same.
9) Waking up before 11am is advisable if you want to see the sun.
10) The kid from Sixth Sense still looks the same and is BFFs with Jeru the Damager.
11) The Meatpacking District still believes in free drinks.
12) Being blonde in the hood is where its at.
13) HopStop fucking lies.
14) $4 beers add up.
15) Bedbugs are harder to get rid of than crackheads.
16) Wearing black in this city really is inevitable.
17) Being "between apartments" is more common than being "between jobs."
18) The more people, the more fashion faux pas.
19) Never go to Astoria. That shit is far and worse than (I imagine) Connecticut.
20) Chinatown Bus is my new shit. Run away with me?

Srsly.

I love Lloyd. He's so funny. The end.

Fantasy draft today. Some people say I have a good team but I don't know about that. We'll see. They're probably just being nice. I'm still the Lurking Lizards. This is my official mascot 'cause he's so kewt.

You're the Boss, Applesauce

I adore Andy Warhol. In the beginning I think it was just a base attraction to the idea of the Factory (Who wouldn't want a place to hang with so many awesomely creative and amazingly wasted people?) and the look that Warhol and his crew put out there. I liked that they were super skinny and wore stripes. I loved that they were always doing really fun shit like making movies about nothing. Yes, I was smitten. THEN I read The Philosophy of Andy Warhol. Best. Biography. Ever. The way he related to people made so much sense in a fucked up way. And then there's the part about the chocolate covered cherries...genius! Hate to be a tease (not really), but you should buy it, like, yesterday.

So why this sappy lovefest over Andy all of a sudden? Well, according to my former employer and the AP, Warhol was the most prolific pack rat ever and they're just now opening all of his boxes, some of them he taped and dated as time capsules. They've found all kinds of cool shit. Like, a nude autographed photo of Jackie O, some REALLY stale wedding cake, and $17,000. I think my sister and Andy should meet in heaven because she's got A LOT of boxes full of random shit too. I know because most of them are stacked against a wall in "my" room. I better dig a little just in case she's got a few big faces tucked away in all that bullshit. Just Kidding, Tina! Don't kick me out! You are so awesome! Anywayz, The Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts is going to start blogging their best finds weekly. Finally, something interesting on the internetz.

So, that's about all I have to say about Andy. Here's one of my most favorite Screen Test. I wanna marry this dude...


And David Bowie acting (and looking) mad strange in 1971...


I'm also OBSESSED with Edie but I'll spare you since this post is starting to seem like it will never ever end. Just take my advice and watch Ciao, Manhattan! Very cool. The trailer, for your viewing pleasure.



Here's my favorite picture of the lady. She looks so happy.

No Netflix Tonightz

I went to a party. My job was to point out the photographer, look fly in my flight attendant outfit, and throw paper airplanes. I made no moneyz. I was there for "support". I looked REAL cute. The End.

Just Tryin' to Make a Living

Getting a job is so much harder than actually having one. Not because you have to continually subject yourself to inevitable rejections or because you're going head-to-head with about 20 other (laid-off and prolly overqualified) people, but because there's so much freaking prep involved. With the average company there's cleaning up your online profile (Rum and Coke? Tweet. Delete. Tweet. Delete.), researching the company (You have to wear WHAT to work at Outback?!?), and think of interesting, informed things to say at an actual interview (I'm pro health care. Like, do you offer insurance or whatever?).

But applying for a journalism job is so much worse. First there's the actual e-mail package -- Which of my stories fit this particular publication and position? Do I go all casual in my e-mail (the new cover letter) or do they want a hard ass? Should my resume be chronological? By subject? Divided into staff positions and freelance?

Then there's priming yourself for the job. Applying for this City Editor position, for instance, requires that I read AT LEAST the last three issues of the publication, have a general understanding of the city's political make-up (Strong mayor? Community break down? Advisory councils?). And then I should probably be able to speak intelligently on a handful of the biggest issues currently percolating and have an idea or two of how they should be covered in the next few weeks. Pitching a wholly new story isn't a bad idea either.

All of this should be done IMMEDIATELY before they hire a recent grad that will accept way less money. Sigh. All this shit just stresses me out. And stress just makes me want to crawl under the covers and watch all those Netflix piling up on top of my TV.

Think I'm over-thinking this? Just a little?

Good thing I requested info on a back-up plan last night...

I'm loosely on a job hunt. Loosely prolly shouldn't be the descriptive I use to define something that will pretty much determine, well, my whole life, but I'm uber picky. I don't wanna end up somewhere I hate, doing something I hate, with people I hate. Sorry. I just can't get down with that AGAIN. I excel at gigs. Anywayz, I found some pretty interesting local leads today.

So...this?

City Editor Needed. BLEEP is looking for a City Editor. We need a strong manager w/ writing & editorial experience to work both in print & online. Knowledge of local government a +. The editor must be able to find, train & direct freelance writers & edit their copy. The editor is also part of the BLEEP management team w/ responsibilities for handling day–to–day details of getting out the paper & getting it online. This is a full–time job w/ benefits, starting at the beginning of Oct. Send cover letter, resume, published writing samples refs. to BLEEP.

Or this?


BLEEP seeks outgoing individual to dress up as giant Pepper. Must be energetic, dependable, punctual. Avail. on nights/weekends/game days. Ability to get one’s groove on a +. $20/hr. Email BLEEP.

Sorry for all the BLEEPS but find your own damn jobs, sheesh!

dream a little dream

REALLY wishing I was anywhere but here. Sigh. Think I should play the lotto AGAIN. Or else come up with some kind of foolproof plan to get me to where I NEED to be, which is, living here:







With one of these guys:








(Plus, someone not pictured and not named and a tiny bit more realistic)

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Been stuck IRL. Don't worry...you haven't missed much. Got my toez did today.



Also, got my saster to trade my third Twilight book for the fourth. I need to stop doing that. Not reading sucky tween books (though I should probably stop that too), but trading books in after I read them. So, so TACKY. Must not become poor shady person. Must visit that place called the LIBRARY. Duh.

Registered my fantasy football team yesterday. I never ever watch football, not even when I do have cable. But, its kinda fun to win and I'm pretty good at it. You have to take into consideration how often a player appears in US Weekly (like Tony Romo's worthlessness last season...too much hanging out with J. Simpson...apparently no longer a problem) and how ghetto their names are (call me whatever you want, hoodz run faster). Still working on a good team name. Last year I was the Tongue Twisters. So far all I got this season is the Lurking Lizards. Google search results in some pretty ugly images. Must think of something more creative/funny asap.

Anyone know if there's a pool around here?

So, if you know me (read: follow me on Twitter) you know that I've been sans-apartment for about 6 months now. Not cool. Being that I have zero dollars, give or take, I've been crashing in borrowed rooms. Again, not cool. I also have this, like, commitment problem when it comes to leases so that's something I've got to work through. I have no reason to be anywhere so guaranteeing someone that I'll stay in a certain place for a WHOLE year seems a bit excessive. I'm sure you can understand. Even so, I must evacuate my current small-town existence soonish. Maybe tomorrow since I plan to win $124 mil on Mega Bucks tonight. Fact.

It can take for-ev-er for lotto checks to come in, so, in the meantime, I'm moving to the internetz. Officially. Apparently its just like New York only cheaper.