Hello. I've been drinking Pinot Noir by myself and "surfing the net" for the last few hours. Of course I'm bored to tears. And that's big coming from me as I subscribe to the belief that only boring people get bored. Someone's grandma (either a real life person or a character in a book/film) said that and I believe it. There's always some way to occupy yourself. I know because I am always alone, mostly by choice but often by circumstance.
Things I am randomly thinking about:
1) Do they make glass baby bottles?
Just brainstorming ideas for a local parenting magazine that needs a feature on babies for the July issue. I mean, if water bottles left in a hot vehicle are of concern to Oprah, why are parents still putting warm milk in plastic bottles?
2) Unpaid internships should be illegal.
Internships used to be called apprenticeships and included room and board. They also pretty much guaranteed you'd be taking over the business some day. Now its just a bullshit term adopted by capitalist Baby Boomers to get free labor. Those bitches didn't do internships.
3) Should the custom of arranged marriage be adopted again by society?
Now that the backlash against the Women's Lib movement is official, is it time to rebel against the idea of marriage for love? According to popular media, "our" problem is that we have too many options and can't make a decision. I agree. So, tell me who I'm going to marry and I'll just have to deal with it. Maybe their should be an opt-out clause though. Something super severe like being disowned and cut-off financially in there just in case you happen to find Mr. Right or your arranged husband/wife is hideous.
4) Why are people looking for roommates on Craigslist so worried about hoarding?
I can understand that New York apartments are small and there are people out there that save random shit like used razors that they're going to make into an installation in their dreams but is it really that common? Seriously, people. You weren't even aware of hoarding until that tv show. If you're that much of an idiotic sheep, I don't want to live with you. At last count there were six ads that banned hoarders in cheap Bushwick apartments alone. Lamest recent phenom.
5) I need to set up a personal/professional website ASAP.
I can market the shit out of everything but myself. And, half the time, I don't even realize it. Time to start, you know, building a career. I've done way more than just grace your social scene but no one knows and that's my fault.
6) Is there an intruder outside on the porch right now? Sounds like it.
Either that or a massive rodent. Which is worse and what am I going to do about it? I'm going to get attacked by a wharf rat or a migrant worker in, like, five minutes and these will be my last words. That's one of my most horrible thoughts yet.
7) Does drinking make my broken ankle swell more?
I kind of feel like it does and it would make sense but my ankle's not getting any larger. I can still feel the screw sticking out (new development). Maybe its just that it throbs a bit more because its hanging from this stool and I'm noticing it more because that's the kind of neurotic thing I do when I drink alone.
8) How could I have possibly let Camilo Villegas come to my town and leave without marrying me?
Let's be honest -- I love Colombians because they are arrogant assholes. This one also happens to be young, beautiful, rich and the perfect level of famous (not mobbed on the street but still respected and can score cool invites). Augusta is so freaking small and he was just here for Masters and I didn't find and seduce him. I fail at life.
9) What, exactly, are "American thighs"? Fatter than French ones and thinner than Russian ones?
Such stereotypes. Whatever. I heard a classic rock song that I'm sure you know that I can't remember the chorus to about American thighs today and I've been trying to envision them all day. I think they must be Midwestern thighs. You know, farm girl thighs. Like, I eat home-cooked meals with carbs and meat but I also chase cows around fields so I can wear short shorts and there's no cellulite.
10) If employers want employees that just follow rules and have zero input, why don't they just hire robots and do us all a favor?
90% of the jobs I see online are not challenging at all. Not that I want to be overworked and underpaid but I like to be working for a reason besides making money. That doesn't interest me beyond the fact that it keeps debt collectors from blowing my phone up. When I work somewhere it becomes I part of me, a representation. If the company sucks, so do I. Thus, I go above and beyond. Most people hate this. They want you to show up, do whatever menial task they have then leave. If employees aren't there to improve your business then why are they there. Like I said, hire a fucking robot and leave me out of it.
This post sponsored in part by Pinot Evil Pinot Noir. Its a screw top that's actually delicious.
